Our communication is built in layers. Learn how to connect to the core and work up the layers to your goals. In this episode, we learn from Lydia Taggart all about creating safety in a relationship, organizing the different layers of our communication and how to better connect with ourselves.
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(Note: This is an automated transcript, so their may be some formatting and grammatical errors)
Chad: Welcome back to the show. Connect up. This show is brought to you by ArrowLight TV and today I’m thrilled to speak with Lydia Taggart. She is all about layers of communication and we’re going to discuss what that really means. We’re going to discuss how to form better connections with people by starting with how you connect with yourself. Uh, we’re also going to receive some interesting insight into how our lives are built upon these different layers and it’s up to us to figure out how to manage those layers and prioritize those layers of our identity, those layers of our communication so that we can organize that in a way that gives us security and gives us safety and leads us towards our goals. We’re going to talk about safety. In today’s episode, we’re going to talk about how safety really is the key to developing a strong relationship.
Chad: Safety is the key to being able to have a trust based conversation. When the other person feels safe, they open up, they speak with you, they’re honest, but you have to let them know that you care about their opinion, that you’re not going to criticize them for it. They need to trust your motives and we’re going to talk more about how to establish safety in a relationship and in a conversation in today’s discussion with Lydia, Lydia also, she, she has an amazing story where her oldest son was traumatized by the birth of their quadruplets and he stopped talking, uh, but she figured out how to communicate with them by helping them feel safe and now her son is thriving and now Lydia is going to tell us more about her story and she and she has created, she has gained this fascination and passion for learning how to communicate in the most effective and efficient ways with people and how everyone has different languages. And we’re going to talk about how to speak to other people’s language, even if you’re speaking the same cultural language. Um, and she’s created systems that have helped bring her son and all of her children to a place where they feel confident in themselves and are able to communicate freely with love and respect. And with her, it’s all about connecting to the core. So let’s talk more about that. Welcome to the show. Lydia Taggart.
Lydia: Thank you, Chad. I’m so glad to be here.
Chad: Um, I’m excited to hear too because you were all about communication. Our, our show is all about how to connect up to the next level of ourselves, connect up to the next level of our career, of our, of our, of our life, and to connect up into better relationships. And you, you used the phrase get through the layers and connect at the core. And so that has everything to do with what this show is about. Tell us more about what that phrase means and more about just your, your, your, your business that you’re building about layers of communication in general. So we understand that a little more.
Lydia: All right, fantastic. So our layers, we think that sometimes and experience is who we are and we define ourselves like I have someone who was fired. He was a banker and so then he’s like, oh, I have no identity anymore because I don’t have my employment anymore. And he went through several years of not knowing who he was. Depression can’t do anything because he was fired from his job as a baker and he forgot or didn’t know that that’s not who he is. It’s just added on to who he is. It’s an experience that layers onto ask. So for my personal life, I had got stuck in the, I’m just a mom layer. I have quadruplets and two other boys that are older, so six hours, six kids altogether where the oldest was four years old. And I became just a mom. The lady with all those kids until I remembered, oh, that’s just added onto who I am.
Lydia: I can get through this and become more because that’s adding to who I am. It’s not taking away, it’s not replacing, it’s adding on. And then, um, so in every, every instance of life, any experience that we have, trauma, grief, exciting things like being creative or I’m having some great opportunity, we don’t want to mistake that as our identity. It’s just added on to who we are and not limit ourselves. We get through that and add more as we continue on. And so that’s one of my favorite things is getting through all of those layers. We can connect at the core, the center of who we are and have more to that,
Chad: wow. That, uh, I’ve seen that too where people, they, uh, they have a certain role they’re playing in life, a mother, father, uh, whatever their job is, that’s another role. And, and, and, and I’ve, I’ve seen that too where I’ve experienced as well, um, where we think that we can only choose one role. We have to either be a mother or being an entrepreneur. We have to either do this or do that and we start thinking that we have like one calling or one identity that defines our purpose as one thing. But what you’re saying is these layers of communities, different layers that we can add on different layers of our identity. And that’s okay. And that’s really cool. That’s really cool that we can kind of, that I’m not, I’m not replacing my role as a mother. I’m now just adding this onto it and then I’m adding this layer and it all adds the complexity of, of who I am.
Lydia: And the layers that are closer to our heart, the ones that are more dear to US support those other layers that we want to experience our goals and whatnot. And so me being a mother supports me in my business. I’m a coach for parents. So that obviously supports me in my other goals as my outer layers as I’m expanding who I am.
Chad: Okay. So we have so, so you see it as like we have these foundational layers and so there’s actually an order to it then. So there’s an order to it that’s, that’s really great. So like we have this, so that’s important for any of you listening to kind of be thinking about like what, what different layers do I have and how can I order those so that I have certain layers that support other ones. How do you and what, what do you tell people of what? Like how do you tell them how to order their layers? Like what, what kind of advice do you give about how to actually prioritize that?
Lydia: Well, we can remember that we’re flexible, we change. Have you think about the love languages and for a long time, so I don’t know if you’re familiar with the love languages, I’ll just tell you a little bit about that. People respond and receive and give love in different languages, so to speak. If you say that you love somebody and they’re not words kind of language person, then it won’t mean anything at all. You can talk until the cows come home and they won’t hear you. If you are dealing with a physical affirmations person, they need to have a high five or a pat on the shoulder or a hug and you don’t even have to tell them that you love them. If you’re giving them a high five, then they go, oh, he loves me. For example, when I’m with my husband, I want him to hold my hand. I’m very much a physical affirmation, kind of love language, but I’m not so much with my kids or they can stop touching me now. You don’t have to hang onto my leg. You’ve touched me enough and so when we’re in different environments and with different people than our layers will shift according to where we are and what we want to do in that instance. Eventually I believe that we’re going to expand as we progressed through life and be able to embrace all of the languages and all of the layers.
Chad: Hmm. That’s really interesting. Yeah, I second that, that we all speak different languages. Even if we’re in the same country, even if we both speak English, me and you both have a different language and it’s important that we recognize and learn how to speak somebody else’s language so that they feel that they’re heard and also how to understand somebody else’s language. And so what, uh, how can we learn to speak somebody else’s language and do you have any personal experiences with learning how to do that?
Lydia: I sure do. Oh my goodness, I shared do. Um, can I share a story about where, why I began this business to begin with? So my oldest son, he was three and a half, four years old and I became pregnant with our quadruplets. We have another child in the middle, and so I was on bed rest. We had people come in to help life for this little three and a half year old, four year old boy was total chaos and he completely shut down and won’t talk to anybody. Like, oh, I need to have him be able to talk. That’s kind of important. We went to the doctor and he said, well, you just need to spend more time with him. Good luck with that. And so, um, over the time that we worked with him trying to get them to talk, we found out that he has asperger’s.
Lydia: He’s on the autism spectrum, very high functioning, but did not want to talk, didn’t feel safe enough to talk. And if you think about the hierarchy of needs, maslow’s hierarchy of needs in the basic sense, you have a foundation like we’re talking about the core, your foundation. And then there are other layers levels move up until your reaching your goals. And I’m sure your audience already knows about that a little bit where you have a hard time progressing. If you don’t feel safe, if you don’t have food and water and the basic needs and then after that level when you have those needs, then you add a structure and a routine and then that can support your feeling of belonging and being included in the group and beyond that is reaching our goals. So for my son, we wanted him to be able to talk and socialize and that is an upper level kind of gold, but he wasn’t feeling supported down lower with his basic needs and having structure.
Lydia: He didn’t know where he was going to have dinner, who can I go to? Um, he was always taken care of, but he didn’t know who the people were or if he’s going to go there all day or go to grandma’s house the day and then the friends half the day. And it was just really scary for him and traumatizing overall. And once we had a list on the fridge thing, this lower level is going to be supportive or you’re going to eat pizza at grandma’s at 4:00. And he could go, oh, okay. I know that I’m safe. And after about a week or so, he just opened up and started talking everybody in socializing, almost like a normal kid. So if, if we can say, what is it that I want to achieve, what’s my goal? And we stepped it back down to how can I support that? Is there another goal that I’m missing on a lower level that would help me branch out and expand to that layer naturally?
Chad: Wow, that’s a really powerful story. What you bring up is really important for all of us to understand about safety. That, that how you, uh, you, you helped your, your, your child to communicate with you by helping them feel safe and you help them feel safe by first providing some more order and routine into his life. And I want to talk about this a little bit because it’s interesting, the connection between our, what we, how we manage our time and our routines and also how we communicate. Because I like to talk about how we have this beneath our time management skills and beneath or communication skills is just focused skills. Our ability to focus helps us master our time. And our ability to focus helps us to listen and to talk to people more, which means we’re going to develop better relationships and at the, at the root of all of that, we have to be able to feel safe to even want to focus in a conversation to even want to focus on this thing. But as you, you gave her routine and provided that order to your son, he then felt more safe and it actually affected his communication. And that’s. And that’s amazing.
Lydia: Yeah. And I think I see it in every relationship, be it at work or in family, any kind of relationship that you have, if you have a base of trust. And that’s really what that structure and the routine is, is building trust. And it doesn’t take a lot of effort. It was just putting a post it pad on the fridge saying this is where you’re going to have dinner today is simple. And we, we can do simple things with our relationships. Um, weekly meetings. We try to have an. I encourage all of my clients to have weekly meetings that if you need to talk, then don’t do it in the heat of the moment where you’re going to say something full of emotion. You think about it. You say, hey, we’re going to have a meeting on Sunday. I started usual. We visited about whatever this week, planning doing the budgets and everything else. If you have something else that you need to discuss this as a higher priority, kind of maybe a tension spot, just put it into that weekly visit where you’re going to say, hey, this is a concern I have and you’re not fired up in the emotion of the moment and you’re in a safe place and if you establish that trust, that’s really what we need to do with our relationships that build the trust. Let us feel safe so we can communicate and open up.
Chad: Yes, yes, that that emotion really interferes with our communication. Thank you for sharing that. No, it it like it’s like this. We’re trying to get a message across in and the emotion. If we have random frustration or anger or stress and these emotions can literally put up a wall between what we’re trying to communicate to somebody and so that is really helpful what you said about, okay, just just get into a safer space in a release that emotion so then you can have a real discussion and um, what you bring up about trust on wants me to ask you kinda what are some other key tips for how to build trust with people? What, why, why do people trust us and what can we do to help somebody trust this more?
Lydia: Yeah. They say trust is the easiest thing to lose and the hardest thing to gain. If you have lost trust with someone, you need to work on it. It’s an effort. It’s not, don’t give up, just don’t give up. I’m like you say it’s one of those walls. It’s one of those layers that we need to get through so that we can reach each other. And if you have lost trust, you need to be consistent. And that’s really the key to any goal. If you want to build trust or achieve losing 50 pounds or running a marathon, writing an essay or anything that you want to do, you have to be consistent on your efforts. I say five minutes a day. If you can’t build in a half hour a day, five minutes a day makes a difference to the set aside time to make that relationship a priority, even if it’s just five minutes.
Chad: But that’s a really great connection you made between trust and consistency. Um, because it’s true that when we, uh, when we’re consistent in something, it makes us more predictable, doesn’t it? And when someone’s predictable, we can trust them more. I mean, we can say there’s somebody who’s doing bad things, you know, there’s, you know, they’re just, they’re just an evil person doing a lot of bad things. But if they’re really predictable and all their bad acts, in a sense, we actually trust them because we are expecting what they’re going to do. And they usually line right up with what our expectations are. And so it, it, it’s a negative side of trust, but it just goes to show that when somebody is predictable, when a routine is predictable, when somebody’s behavior is predictable, it’s much easier to trust them because they were not hesitant and afraid of like, well, I wonder if they all of a sudden say this or do this. And so it’s interesting that you made that connection there between
Lydia: yes, trust is based on expectations because that’s what it is. What do you expect? Can you trust it? And I want to share another thing as we have love languages, we also have forgiveness languages and not very many people know about this and it’s very, very important. I had an experience with one of our clients just yesterday where someone will say, well, I apologized. I apologized, right? But it didn’t cover all of the forgiveness languages he needed to hear. I will not do it again. And how can I make it up to you? It’s more than just saying, I’m sorry. There’s these other languages that aren’t satisfied if we don’t say all of the parts. So to be fully all of the languages you say, I’m sorry, I recognize that was a bad choice and I hurt you. I didn’t mean to. It wasn’t my intention. I’ll try not to do it again. Please forgive me and can I do what can I do to make up up to you? So there’s five steps to being fully forgiven.
Chad: That’s interesting. That’s a really great addition to that. I never thought about that. How we also have forgiveness languages and so even if we think we apologize to somebody else, they interpret that as no, he didn’t quite. I don’t feel like you’ve apologized at just because they’re speaking in different forgiveness language that’s really great.
Lydia: And you and you can mix it up and if you say, well I’ll try not to do that again. But if somebody needs to hear that you’re sorry, then it doesn’t really count for being forgiven for on their side.
Chad: Wow. Well thank you. Um, what, what is something that we talk a lot about in the show? How we need to get unstuck. We’ve got a disconnect from something and we need to connect to something new. What are, what are, what is the least one thing that you’ve had a disconnect from to get unstuck in your own life, to maybe move toward certain goals that you have, um, either in your thinking and your behavior or whatever else and then what’s something you needed to connect to that has helped you to move forward.
Lydia: Okay. My favorite story, most embarrassing, funny story of money. Money has been a big mindset change for me. Um, I don’t know how many other people have this issue, but I had this issue. I had to disconnect from my old beliefs about money. When we first got married, my husband and I first got married and we moved to Arizona. We were visiting with some other friends there and wow. What would it be like to meet a millionaire that would be so crazy? What would it be like? And we’re newlyweds and this little hole in the wall kind of apartment. And, and my husband says, you know, a millionaire. How crazy. Who was my dad? My Dad’s a millionaire. Like, no, no way. He’s like a normal nice guy. He couldn’t be a millionaire. And as soon as I said that, I thought, holy cow, I think at that time I thought millionaires couldn’t be real people, they couldn’t be nice. And so to switch that to be, I can have money and be nice at the same time, it was amazing. And I’m so I had to disconnect from my old beliefs about what money am I expectations of who has money, what they’re supposed to be like. And so now connecting on the other side too. Money is good money as a tool that can be used for good. Lots
Chad: of people do awesome things with money and money will be there if I need it. I have a very similar experience, um, with, uh, with, with money as well where I, uh, it’s, I saw money as a, uh, for a long time just because, I mean, that’s how my parents saw it. That’s how a lot of society sees it. Um, I saw money as the thing that creates security in your life. And uh, that was a thought pattern that I had to disconnect from. And when I disconnected from that and I just through talking to myself for the period of weeks and weeks, just telling myself money does not create security. Instead I had to connect to the thought that relationships create security and um, and I was having a lot of stress. I was, you know, trying to get in. I was a new dad and trying to kind of get my, my, I was supporting my family and I was the only one that was bringing in income and I was just had a lot of stress over trying to figure out how to support my family and, and money in general.
Chad: And I kept seeing money as giving us the feeling of safety and security. And yes, of course, uh, with money in our society, we are going to be able to pay rent and have a roof over our heads. And it creates, it gives us those basic things we need. But feeling secure, being secure has nothing to do with money. It has to do with your relationships because you can have millionaires that feel totally insecure yet they have plenty of money. And then you can also have millionaires who do feel secure because they have kept their relationship secure. Um, and then you can have people that don’t have any money that feel totally secure because they have strong relationships and they’re prioritizing that. And once I connected to that new thought pattern of my relationships create security in my life, not money, I stopped stressing about it even though I wasn’t getting any more money at that time.
Chad: And as well I was, you know, I’d gotten into a lot of debt and I’m still in the process of getting my family out of debt. But this interesting experience I’ve been having recently is that it’s for awhile I thought, okay, I’ll finally be able to breathe and I’ll finally feel free once we’re out of debt and I’ll finally feel like we’re not in this bondage anymore. But through talking myself into seeing money differently, even though I’m not out of debt yet, I feel free now and I feel free because one, I’m more in control of my money. Even if my income’s not going up. I’m in control of it now just through, you know, some stuff related to just changing how I’m budgeting, but also just a lot of like, um, the way, the way that I’m emotionally in control of it that way. Whereas before getting more money made me way too excited and losing money may be way too depressed and it was running my mood, but now that I’ve disconnected my emotions from my money and I just see it as a thing that I can use as a tool to create stuff. Um, yeah. Um, overall my mood is overall a lot more even keel. It’s, I feel free from my money even though I’m not out of debt yet and I’m still working on it. So
Lydia: you don’t mind. I’d like to share another story about this money line. So when my husband first was unemployed, I said a lot of times I can do this. Like every day I was like, we can do this, we could do this, we could do this. Everything that got us through his unemployment was based on relationships that we had built and people would see our kids and like, oh, they’re shoes are getting a little bit worn out and I’m like, they can still wear their shoes. They don’t have to have new issues yet. We’re okay until, you know, maybe he’ll get a job next week or something, but we found an envelope on our door to door labeled taggart shoe fund and it had $200 in it and just, I don’t know who said who left it there. But we have these relationships that we’ve, we’ve keep these relationships and that is what helps us feel secure.
Chad: Wow. Thanks for sharing that. Yeah, it’s a, it’s amazing how, uh, how those relationships really make a huge difference. And I, I’ve always been most of my life so resistant to creating new relationships because I get comfortable in certain relationships and then be hesitant to make new ones because I was really shy and I had a hard time connecting with people. I thought that I could just quietly find my way into career success. Um, and when I finally started talking myself into actually being interested in people and just telling myself I’m really interested in this person than actually eventually started feeling it. I’m like, wow, I really am interested in this person and I really enjoy connecting with people and it’s made all the difference in the world and helping me feel secure having, having these stronger relationships and um, we really do connect our way to where we want to be for you. Have you ever struggled to form valuable relationships in? Tell me a little bit about your progress and just finding your own voice even if you necessarily weren’t necessarily like shy. Like I was telling me kind of about your journey and finding your own voice and where you’re at now. And
Lydia: I think that it’s one of my blessings that I’ve been born with to be able to just connect with people. But I do think it’s a skill we can learn and develop. Um, one of my teenagers, he’s 15 now. I have a hard time with him. A lot of times, 15 year old boy going to have some issues with teenagers generally speaking, right? But, um, I, I try to see where he’s coming from and there’s different ways to view a situation. You can see it from where you are, you can see it stepping into their shoes or you can see it as a fly on the wall. And when I get into a tight spot trying to figure out how to make a conversation, I say to myself, what if I was a fly on the wall? Am I really making sense? Could they be making more sense than I am? What if I was not in his shoes or my shoes, but I was just a fly on the wall washing this situation. How would this be unfolding? And then I’m able to get a better perspective on, hey, you’re, you’re out of line me. It’s never someone else’s fault. I think that’s one of the major issues that we have. When I have blamed people. Um, there have been people in my life that I’ve had a harder time with, not just my son, but there’s been other people. And
Lydia: usually if it’s because we’re trying to blame something on each other that they’re trying to blame me or I’m trying to blame them. And I think that’s the common foe in all relationships that struggle is blamed.
Chad: That’s a great example there. I totally agree with you. How blame is a huge communication blocker. I mean it’s just like because now you’re not listening and now you’re not really searching for full understanding and becomes a huge issue. So I’m glad you brought that up. What does, maybe one more thing that you do that helps you be really good at connecting with people. You talked about how your. You’ve been blessed with being able to kind of be more natural at connecting with people. So what, what is one of your secrets for how you can make that connection with the new person that are getting to know
Lydia: I still have problems connecting with myself and being comfortable with who I am, not getting stuck in one of those layers, you know, being happy with who I am. So here’s my secret that I do when I’m, when I really want to have a good day and good relationships and have everything awesome. I play music that has uplifting words or something like this morning it was good morning. Uh, I forget to artist, good morning anyways, like get out of bed. It’s a good morning and I can listen to it. That’s like one level. But if I sing and I dance and I like do my power pose, put, use all my space around me and it really, this is who I am. I take all of this space and we forget. We’re not just this little space that we’re in our bodies. We have more space around us in our personal bubble. All these layers that are expanding out into the universe were big and when we start playing big and play, it’s not a half to sing. You get to seeing you play and you do your best at having fun and just connect with who you are. And then everything else around you just falls into place. That’s my base layer that I really need to do every day. Sing and dance in a fun, playful.
Chad: I want everyone watching right now to just plant that in your brains. How important that is that to connect with other people you must connect with yourself. That is, that, that is a powerful advice from Lydia right there that we need to, we need to take that time to improve the connections we have with ourself and the way in which we appreciate our identity and love ourselves and have that time and have that, that time to connect because fruit for me, a lot of my connection issues with other people was because I wasn’t well connected to myself. Um, and so how we talk to ourselves affects how we’re going to talk to other people which will affect her relationships and ultimately our results. And so that comes right back down to how we connect with ourself, affects how we’re going to connect with people affects how are we going to connect up to better relationships. And so that’s, that’s really important. Thank you for sharing that. Thank you. A lot. I, uh, I’m curious to know kind of what you think about as we’re on this. The topic of connection, um, do you feel the, in our modern world there are any, there are things that can interfere with our ability to not only connect with ourselves but also connect with other people. What are the, what are the cons of all this modern communication technology, but what are also the amazing pros of it and what do you think about that
Lydia: now? First of all, there are amazing pros and when we go into this kind of question that the common thing is to say, oh, it’s all negative. It’s negative, it’s negative, but there are very positive things as well. But I get to have this visit with you. I wouldn’t be possible without technology and to spread the message out to the world. It just wouldn’t be possible. Without technology. We have access to so much knowledge and help and that is also on the other side. That’s one of our challenges because any kind of lack of focus, any distraction, it’s like your shoe being untied and it, it’s just kind of flopping around while you’re walking down the street. If you start running and you want to get somewhere faster, you’re really gonna make it for your goal, you’re really going to start going, but you have shoe untied.
Lydia: It can trip you up, is a little distraction, can make a big effect because I think it’s important to disconnect some times, not all the time because we’d need that connection as well. Um, through technology that is just amazing. You can’t get to visit with people far away in the same way if you’re not living nearby. Um, but to reconnect to who we are and our goals and people that are people around us, not just technology distractions and it doesn’t have to be technology based. If I have laundry yelling at me saying, hey, you didn’t do me yet. You didn’t do your laundry yet. That’s a distraction just as well as anything else that makes me lose my focus. I don’t think that we need to label it just as technology is distracting him bad. We, we need to figure out how to focus, get down to that core level. What is it we really need that can support our other layers in our ambitions and focus on it. Be Consistent.
Chad: Wow, that’s a, that’s a great. Those are some great closing thoughts for us today in this episode that, uh, we have all this new technology that we’re obviously using right now in this interview that would not be possible without it. And because of this remote communication technology, we can have a discussion that then other people can watch and they can become a part of the conversation and that if we give our technology rules, then it can help us focus and it can help us gain traction in our career instead of as a distraction. And it sounds like you’re, you’ve been able to kind of figure out how to use technology to, to help us instead of instead of distract us, but that we do need to be aware of that. Then we do need to be aware that there’s a lot of noise because of all the input we’re getting.
Chad: Right. I mean we’re. If we have all these notifications on our phone from social media and everything else and we’re constantly getting interrupted so it makes it hard to hold our focus, but if we set these rules for our technology, then we can deliberately use it to connect with people to form valuable connections remotely with people through a web camera rather than even in person and to be able to, um, improve our connections, improve our relationships, improve our success through technology, but in the same light and make sure that we don’t let our technology control our decisions and our thoughts and our focus and our emotions, that we remain in control of it so that it’s a tool rather than using us and it kind of controlling us, but that there’s, there’s huge advantages to the connect to the technology that we do have today.
Lydia: If. Can I share something else about that? We set rules for our kids. We expect them to show up to school on time. We expect them to do our homework, their homework. That’s not really our homework. We expect them to show up to dinner. We set rules for our our schools where we send our kids, we have rules at work. If you’re late, you’re not going to get paid and if you’re late, a lot of times you might get fired and lose your job. There’s rules all over the place, but we hesitate to set roles for our relationships and our relationship with our technology is just as important to. I think maybe if we use the word guideline, it would be a little easier if we have guidelines for our relationships, like we’re gonna meet every once a week, pick a day, we’re going to meet for once a week for a half hour and talk about the budget and whatever else we need to say like, I need groceries. I’m busy this week. Can you get the groceries and work together as guidelines, have these expectations set up ahead of time, make some new expectations and built that trust together through those expectations in those guidelines.
Chad: That’s great. That’s really helpful. Thank you. Lydia is if we want to more about what you’re doing and how we can get help from you, where should we go? How do we find out more about you and what you’re doing with layers of communication?
Lydia: Oh, thank you for asking. Um, layersofcommunication.com. I’ve actually got a free five fun things that will help your child easily communicate their feelings with you. Fun activities and you can get that email@example.com.
Chad: Great. Well thank you so much. I just want to kind of sum up that if everything we discussed today, um, that, that Lydia really showed us, that we need to connect down those layers to ourself so that we can love ourself more, understand ourself and then from there connect up through more and more layers as we add on different roles into our life, different purposes that is okay to have different aspects of our identity. We can be multiple things. We can, we can add those different layers on that. We also have layers of our communication as we’re discussing it with the people we have. We have layers of our language as we’re as our love languages are, forgiveness languages, that we have all these different layers and so I encourage all of you to kind of become more aware of what your layers are, to prioritize those layers so you understand what your foundations are and if you apply what kind of Lydia talk to us about today that you’ll be able to connect better with yourself. You’ll be able to connect better with other people and you’ll be able to connect your way up to where you want to be in your life and in your career. And so I thank you Lydia for being on our show today. Thank you so much Chad. I really appreciate it.