In this valuable conversation with Adam Connors, we learn how to actually build a network that is valuable and healthy. We learn the key to listening to improve communication skills. We also discuss how to appropriately end conversations when there is no mutual benefit.
He provides very actionable tips on how to keep your network organized so that you always followup and finish conversations. That is how you stand out.
Then we go deep as Adam shares with us the importance of human connection on every level of not just our career success, but our health, longevity and happiness.
(Note: This is an automated transcript, so their may be some formatting and grammatical errors)
Chad: I’m really excited about today’s interview because we get really deep into the importance of human connection for our happiness, our health, and our career success, and I get to interview Adam Connors. He’s a networking master and he shares with us in today’s conversation really, really valuable insight on how to organize our networks and how to vet them and how to strengthen them and how to have the type of conversations that really do build trust and how to finish conversations and how to end conversations early if we have to. He shares with us valuable training on building actual relationships and you’re also gonna learn a little bit about what a networking Iq is, so that’s really interesting. Adam is a sought after speaker. He’s a social architect. He’s a super connector who is transformed the lives and accelerated careers of many. He’s the founder and CEO of Network Wise, so if you go to networkwise.com, you’ll learn about what he’s doing.
Chad: That’s. That’s similar to what we’re doing here with Arrowlight and that’s why I wanted to have him on my show. He is a business platform that expedites outcomes for people through training and the art and science, science of personal and professional networking and so he’s an entrepreneur at heart. He spent almost 20 years starting in building companies in a variety of industries, so he has interacted with a variety of people and he just knows a lot about people and how to connect with them and I’m very grateful to have them on the show today. Welcome to Connect Up Adam Connors. Thanks for having me. I’m glad you’re here. I’m really excited to have you on their show because in this show we talk about networking. We talk about connection. We talk about how to connect our way to our goals and you are a master networker and you have a lot of great things to say about about connection and networking and how our relationships influence our success and influence our happiness. And you’ve interviewed lot of people on your podcast about this very same topic and so I’m really excited to pick your brain today and have a conversation about, about connection and about why it’s so important and how to better connect with people. So let’s just start with kind of where you were. Where did, where were you coming from? Like what brought you to where you are today in your career? A little bit about your story.
Adam: Yeah. So, uh, I’ve got a rather eclectic background. Probably a little more unconventional in most, but I guess what is conventional? I Grad? Well actually let me rewind. I was diagnosed at a very early age with a bunch of learning disabilities. I believe it was five. So I’m the guy that took an hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. Um, so, uh, what, what transpired with having learning challenges is, um, behavioral challenges. So a school didn’t, didn’t really come easy to me. I’m like, you know, barely graduated from high school. I think I graduated at the bottom three of my class. Oh, I also, while I was in school in high school, a good. The scared straight program. Are you familiar with the scared straight program? No, you’re not. That’s a good thing. So that means you were one of the better people. Essentially the scared straight program.
Adam: Uh, for those who don’t know it and it’s good for most of you don’t know it then Kudos to you. It’s, it’s for people going down the path. We’re jail is your future. The program didn’t work for most people, but I’ll tell you, it sure as heck worked for me. It was a, it was quite an eye opener, so that kinda cleared me from going the trouble route. Now I had to deal with these troubles with just learning in general. So I go to, I go to Quinnipiac. I first couple years were really, really tough. But um, I, I had the grit to grind it out and ended up actually graduating with honors, go to get a job I originally wanted. I went to school to help people because at the end of the day I knew early that I enjoyed helping people and that I was in a fortunate position with how I grew up that most people didn’t have, so wanted to help the world.
Adam: Uh, but quickly realized after a couple of internships that really, in order to make the biggest impact on people, you either have to really sacrifice everything you’ve got and give it all up or you need to be wealthy. So my goal was to make some money to be in a position that I could then give back. Did the Wall Street thing wasn’t for me, got an opportunity to start a recruiting of business in, in recruiting and financial services. Quickly found out that that was something that I was very good at, uh, built a very big business within a larger company. It was a publicly traded company then got recruited to do it for another private company, did very well there. Started my own firm, failed in a bunch of different capacities. Um, ended up selling the firm, did, did a couple of investments myself. I’ve been involved in cannabis, had been involved in church. I had been involved in the sports industry. I’ve been involved in neurotechnology companies. I’ve had just this really plethora of different experiences and at the end of the day realize or I didn’t realize I knew that I had to get back to doing what I was put on this earth to do. And that was to um, to give back in. That was kind of what led me to start network wise.
Chad: It sounds like you have a really wide, a variety of experiences in different industries that. That brings me to think of the question of kind of what did you learn about people along that journey because you would have dealt with a lot of different types of people in different industries with different passions. What are some things you’ve learned about people throughout all that experience?
Adam: A lot of things. It’s a, you know, so people, every single success that I’ve had has been tied to people and the relationships that I have and that I built both on a personal and a professional on the professional front. People are everything I learned at a very early age. This is before I had heard the quote from Jim Roan. It’s a very famous quote, but it’s essentially you’re the aggregate of the five people that you spend the most time with. That’s their health, their wealth, their habits. Mind learn that at an early age without recognizing that, you know, knowing that that for factor, having that quantifiable quote, people are our people are everything and the people that you spend the most time with really bring out either the best or the worst in you. So it was really important to me to surround myself with good people that I can learn from, aspire to grow from challenge me because that’s what’s going to get the best out of me and the best that comes out of me. Everybody benefits. I love the saying, a rising tide lifts all ships. So the way that I looked at it is if I surrounded myself with great people, made myself better, I it. It afforded me an opportunity to make anyone who comes within my circle that much better. Does that answer your question?
Chad: Yeah, definitely. That’s a, that’s really interesting that you kind of talk about how when we surround ourselves by certain people, it, it helps us to become the best version of ourselves and that’s completely true that I, I’m realizing that as I’m connecting to more and more people, I’m, I’m learning more about myself and I didn’t expect that as much. I thought, oh, I got to before. I’d always make the excuse of before it can connect with somebody before I can inform your relationships, I got to figure out who I am first. And that held me back for awhile because I’m like, I’m like struggling to figure out who I am, but as I just got out of my way and just started connecting with people if it was in that, that I just started to discover who I really was and I was able to connect better with myself and it kind of reinforced a, just the connection with myself as well as I was reaching out for them in those relationships.
Adam: So who are you
Chad: that. That’s a hard question to answer. Um, I guess, I guess. So I’m somebody who is currently on a journey of really trying to figure out how to better connect with people because I came from a history of, of being really shy and having, having a lot of struggle with kind of getting outside myself to reach out and seek new relationships. And um, I’ve always been very ambitious and I’ve had a lot of dreams and I’ve always known, I’ve always known I’ve always had a vision of where I’m heading. So I’ve never been somebody who is like, struggled to, like not have a vision of what lies ahead. I’ve always set new goals. I’ve always been very goal oriented, but I’ve struggled to get to where I want to be a lot of the time because I wasn’t willing to connect with people along the way.
Chad: I was trying to kind of do it on my own and uh, and it held me back for the first few years trying to establish a career because I was like, well, maybe I can just, you know, find success on my own. Just kind of quietly in the background. And it just, it just wasn’t working. And so I was somebody who didn’t appreciate the human connection piece and now I’m somebody who who loves it and is becoming very interested in people and very interested in figuring out what people have to say. And, and so I’m becoming obsessed with, with, with connection and with, with, with, with forming these relationships. I’m in business and in my personal life and it’s a lot of fun.
Adam: Awesome. Great. It comes, it comes through. So keep it going, man.
Chad: Yeah. For Yourself, what, how has, how have you connected your way to, to some of your goals? Like how is your relationships with people influenced your progress and success so far?
Adam: Like I said, it’s, I mean it’s been everything, you know, the people that I’ve surrounded myself and I’ve learned from, uh, they’ve also provided me opportunities, uh, whether it’s financial, Pete, you know, you, you learn, you know, if you’re stuck just within the same Rut of people that you’re dealing with, um, you don’t hear new ideas, you’re talking about the same things. You don’t have any variety. There’s no diversity. But by expanding who you speak with, and it doesn’t just have to be billionaires or things of that nature, you know, it could be the local guy who shines your shoes because that guy or gal is talking to somebody else. So it’s really important to surround yourself with a variety of different people from, you know, like I said, different ideas that tells me whether from an investment standpoint, uh, helping me decide, you know, getting different perspectives in terms of careers.
Adam: It’s helped me to provide, like I said, I owned an executive search, um, you know, an executive search company. And I helped me to give advice to people that as you know, to see them flourish and some of the people I’ve helped along the way to flourish if you know, turned around and pulled me right back up and help me in areas is like, there’s a great saying in Hollywood that I absolutely love and wish more people would follow. And it’s, uh, it’s essentially says that if you’re lucky enough to make it to the Penthouse, don’t forget to send the elevator back down. So, um, yeah, I mean the, the relationships, the connections have just helped in a variety of different capacities. There have been certain goals that I’ve had that I would not have been able to achieve had it not been for having access to some of the people that I’ve met along the way that I’ve been able to call up and say, hey look, get your advice on this. And I was going a certain path and their advice made me a do an about face and turn around. I’m also getting back to the investment side, you know, there have been opportunities that I’ve had that I’ve pulled out of as a result of having good counsel and you know, what they say some of the best investments are those you don’t make.
Chad: Yeah. Yeah. That’s uh, it’s, it kind of gets me thinking about how we, uh, when we pursue a goal, when we have something we’re trying to build or create, everything is, is cocreated. Everything is all the people you’re connecting with along the way. Our, our, our, our founders in your business are, are, are helping to create that. Because whether, like you said, whether they point you in the right direction, whether they give you counsel, whether they give you advice. Sometimes we think of it as, Oh, if they’re partnering with me and helping me to build this business, then okay, now another are cocreator and what I’m doing. But we sometimes we forget that all the little connections we make where maybe we connected with that person for five minutes and we never heard from them again. But they gave us this little piece of advice or they connected us with somebody else and they now have become a part of what we’re trying to do.
Chad: And so we’re all, we’re all accomplishing what we’re accomplishing together and because of each other, it’s every connection I’m making is helping to open up my perspective like you talked about. Um, and it’s also given me the knowledge that I need to, to expand my skillset. And then as well, of course it’s connected me to resources and connecting me to the kind of people that are helping to, to move my purpose forward. And so it’s exciting. So you’ve, you’ve had quite a bit of experience with communication, with networking. What are some tips you have for how we can better build trust with people and form valuable connections with people?
Adam: First and foremost, you have to want to. I think that’s, I think that’s a really important piece is, and I know it’s really cliche, but you got to know your why, you know, why, why do you want to do this? And, and, and once you know your why, I think that will really help if you’ve got a bigger purpose, a bigger, a bigger vision for why you’re connecting, I think that will tremendously help. I think it’ll make it a lot more sticky, if that makes sense. Um, you know, at least, at least to me, that is so, so I guess the question is, you know, so then how do you do that? You know, so, so first there’s your why. And then there’s the how. And you’ve got to be with your communication. You need to be present with whomever it is that you’re speaking with a, that means don’t check your phone, don’t let your eyes wander.
Adam: That’s a big pet peeve that I have when I’m speaking with people instead, if I don’t have their attention, I’m either, I’m not doing something right to keep their attention or maybe they’re just rude. So something that actually that even I’m just personally working on is either calling people out on it or just saying, okay, you know, it was a nice talk and walk away. So assuming that they are present, which is important or that you are present, there’s a lot of things that you need to do. Um, you need to, you need to have your intent needs to be there. And that comes back to your why. You also need to have, you need to be interested in other people. If you’re interested in other people, they will find you more interesting. And that connection will be there. And there was a great. Have you, have you heard of Steve Sims?
Adam: Do you know who Steve Sins is? The author? He’s the author of Blue Fishing. Fascinating guy. If you haven’t read the book, I highly recommend it. And there was a saying that he had in his book that I really, really loved. And you talked about asking good questions. He goes, when you understand the people that you’re speaking with there, if you ask good questions, their passion becomes your language. I really like that quote. And it’s something to really think about. So, you know, not only just ask good questions but ask follow up questions, you know, tell me more, you know, that, you know, I, you, I asked you about what you’re doing and you’re really on a journey to help people will tell me more. What does that mean? Other good questions is, you know, when you’re speaking with people, um, even, you know, maybe whether you’ve just met them or not.
Adam: Some really good examples of questions that are just a little outside the box or you telling me something that happened to you recently that made you laugh. Um, you know, it, that’ll really give you some good insight on people. What makes them, what’s funny to them? You know, some people like stand up comedy, some people like making fun of themselves, some people. I mean, there’s just so much variety in that. Asking a good question really gives you so much insight as to who they are. Um, you know, if you could be one age, uh, you know, what was your favorite age, you know, um, you know, what’s one thing that you do to relax? You’d be surprised at what that question elicits. You know, what does a, you know, I, I’m a food guy. I really like, I love to eat. You know, what, what’s your, what’s your favorite place to eat pizza or what’s your favorite style of pizza? I mean, I’m not going to bore you. I could go on and on and on about questions. What books do they read? What have they read recently? What are some takeaways? What’s a vacation you’re excited about?
Chad: Yeah, definitely. That’s a, that’s something that I’ve kind of learned recently that, so, you know, coming from my initial place of, of avoiding people, um, I thought, you know, I kind of had in my head, oh, I must, you know, I’m a great listener because I’m not talking like ever. Um, but really I wasn’t good at listening at all because I was thinking about and so concerned about what I was going to say next, that I wasn’t actually paying attention to what the other person was saying. And when you talk about asking good questions, I’ve found that if I’m, I, I have a lot better questions that, that, that come out when I do take that time to just listen to the person. And, and then I, I, I’ve found that it’s easier to know what to say. Um, do you have, do you have any kind of listening tips on how, how to really a, how to listen because sometimes we take it for granted that it, that it,
Adam: that’s a great. I mean, wow, how to listen. You just need to be interested. If you’re not interested in people, you’re not going to listen, you know? Or if they’re not interesting, you’re not going to listen and, and I wouldn’t force it. No, you’re not going to connect with everybody. You know, some people might be better than others, but if there is not a connection in what they’re saying is boring and they don’t seem that they bring much to the table cut bait, I’m, you’re just not gonna connect with everybody and a lot of people they’re not. There’s, there’s some, there’s a tool that I have that I offer. It’s essentially a relationship audit and I encourage everybody to take it. It’s free by the way, if you want to go to my website, [inaudible] dot com, it’s free. It’s a great tool that you should do at least yearly and, and you know, if not every six months that essentially vets your network who you’re spending time with.
Adam: Um, so that’s really important because some people, if they’re an anvil, they just hold, you know, if they’re negative or they don’t bring much to the table, they’re bringing you down as opposed to the other people that bring you more energy and positive and they, they bring out the best of who you are. Some of the things that you talked about before. So to, to answer your question, you know, those are the, I have to be, that’s just my own subjective. I need to be interested and if they’re, if it’s not, I just, I just cut bait politely a walkable. There’s a variety of reasons are things that say, but I’ll be pretty transparent. Hey, it was a pleasure meeting you. There’s someone else I’m here to speak with or depending upon where the interaction is, um, you know, I always try to add value. Even if there’s someone that’s not of interest to you, I’ve enjoyed speaking with you. I’m going to go talk to somebody else or I’m going to go to something else, you know, what is something that I could do today that could add value to your life? Because regardless, you know, I do want to help in any way, shape or form that I can.
Chad: Yeah. Is his interest immediate or do we need to give it a little bit of time to realize that, oh, there is an interest here. There’s a connection point.
Adam: Two, great question. That’s actually an excellent question. I think, and again, this is my subjective, is give it a minute or two, you know, go through your questions, you know, because there’s always something you connect, connect with, with other people. It’s also a matter of, you know, are they interested in connecting with you because they just might not be interested in you or maybe you caught them at a bad time. Uh, there was a guy that was online show that I thought he had a. again, I’m going to botch his quote, but uh, his name is Bill Harris and bill was a really interesting guy and, and fascinating and what he does and then our podcast is great. Anyone who’s a in a relationship or also as kids, it’s a must listen. But he had a saying that he said, listen, in a relationship, you can only do a, you know, you, you each have 50 percent of responsibility that makes up 100 percent of the relationship and it’s up to you to do 100 percent of your 50 percent.
Adam: So give it a chance to answer your question. Go, you know, go through the motions, give it a shot. You know, ask them the questions that, that, that you need to ask them to do your vetting process and if you feel that that person is worthy than continuing, listen and be there, but if not, they’re not giving it to you, you know, don’t waste your time and energy. You know, Time’s the most valuable commodity on this planet. We all share the same amount of time. It doesn’t matter if you’re Warren Buffet, president trump does, you know, we all, you know, we all share those same 24 hours. So you’ve got to use that time sparingly.
Chad: So how do you end a conversation? I’m on a good note. If you do find that this isn’t going anywhere and I need to save us both our time.
Adam: You know, it, it, it depends. I try to be as candid as possible even to even just say that, listen, I’ve enjoyed speaking with you. It’s been nice to meet you. I’m not sure that we can best benefit each other, although all happy to um, you know, here’s my information. Feel free to reach out if you’d like to or if there’s someone that you’d like to meet that’s in my circle. Otherwise, it’s been a pleasure meeting you. Gotcha. No, that makes sense. Just, yeah, just to be true. People will appreciate that. I’m getting back to Steve for a minute. I think it was steve that, um, that I heard one time on a, on a podcast and even said that, you know, when sometimes people approach him, you know, he’s very candid and he says, I don’t think your time or your efforts are best served speaking with me, but here’s someone that you might want to speak with or here’s some advice on, you know, on how you might want to approach your next meeting. So as long as you’re adding value, I think that that’s, especially if you’re candidate. I know that I would appreciate that if someone told me, you know, if I’m saying I’m trying to sell something or I’m trying to bring something to their attention rather than getting back to time and spending all this time trying to force around a hole in a square peg in a square peg in a round hole, I’d appreciate that.
Chad: Yeah, and wellness. It shows respect because I mean for me, I, I had a heart. I’ve always had a hard time ending a conversation if it wasn’t going anywhere because I want it to be nice. I wanted to. I felt that if I ended it that I’d be rude by doing that when really staying in it is, is, is being less nice because now I’m not respecting their time. I’m not respecting my own time and it’s just going to get. If I wait 10 minutes and then in the conversation, then that person’s still walks away like, oh, that didn’t get anywhere. Why did I stay in it so long? And then it’s just, you almost have worse rapport than if you just.
Adam: Yeah. Something that I implemented a few years back that I wish someone had told me years ago is I start meetings now, or sometimes even conversations when people reach out to me blindly is I start them out with what is the best possible outcome of today’s meeting and slash or conversation. And when someone answers you that it’s a little abrupt, but first of all, if they can’t appreciate it, appreciate it sucks for them. But when they do understand where you’re going with that, it’s an extremely productive meeting because say you’re, you know, you’re scheduled for a half an hour to an hour instead of a lot of the BS and the small talk and things like that. You can get right to it. So say you reached out, you know, hey Chad, you reached out to me, hey, what’s the best possible outcome for today’s conversation? And you said, well, I’d really like to have a meaningful podcast so we could have then focused our time on, okay, well what do you want to get out of that?
Adam: You know, we, we, we start with the end in mind and then we can work backwards. Um, so if the, you know, maybe it was, hey, I can’t do a podcast, and then we just saved each other a half an hour to an hour. It’s, it’s fair. That’s it. Instead of US spending a lot of time that we don’t have that we can be doing towards something else that we’ve already committed to, we now know what the goal is in mind and we can work and make that really productive half hour, hour. Okay. What is it that you want to talk about? What can your, what can your listeners really benefit from? And everybody wins. It’s kind of like the one plus one equals three.
Chad: Um, so, so, so when somebody, because you were saying so when somebody reaches out to you and you say, Hey, what’s your best possible outcome? Do people usually respond by telling you their want? Like what they’re hoping you can help them with? Or do they just,
Adam: what do they my goal, that’s my goal. And then sometimes people are, they’re very wishy washy about it and they can’t get to the point. That really frustrates me because you know, when you are reaching out to someone you want something, that’s just, it is what it is that why you’re calling and even if you just want to say hi and that’s fine. Hey, just wanted to say on, that’s awesome. Let’s get caught up. Or if it’s a personal call, let’s go. Let’s schedule some time during like more personal time that we can catch up. So that’s totally fair. Or if it is for a business either. Awesome. What is it that I can do? And you know, I live by my five minute favor. If there’s something that I can do for someone that’s, that, that takes, you know, five minutes or less than, you know, I’ve got, I’ve got carved out time everyday that I dedicated strictly to just helping people with their favors so that, that could be that, you know, that can be used for that time.
Chad: Gotcha. That’s really helpful. You brought up something about, uh, you mentioned your resource that helps us to vet our network. I want to talk a little bit about that. How do you manage your network and relationships? So that you finished conversations so that you follow up with people so that you take certain relationships where they need to go. How do you organize all that?
Adam: That’s a huge. That’s a point. That’s a topic that we can be talking about for hours. I’m a fortunate in the followup, so there was a statistic, I argue with it because I think it’s actually low at 70 percent of people don’t follow up on what they say they’re going to do. I think it’s, I think that’s probably 80, 90 percent, but I don’t remember if it was a pew study or a gala. It was a pretty formidable, a reputable, I should say, a study that 70 percent of people just don’t follow up. And which blows my mind. But it’s these simple little things that help you to stand out. So to answer your question, how do I manage it? Or, you know, what do I do? I, uh, well, first of all I listened, you know, assuming someone’s kind of like kind of been vetted and they’re worth, you know, my time.
Adam: Not that I’m anything special, but it’s my time. So it’s special to me is I take notes, I write things down because I speak with a lot of people and at first I might not remember, so I try to do things that will help me to remember. So this is my personal system. I like to write things down. What was it about them that was, that was interesting and stood out to me, you know, and this is something that next time that we speak, it’s, if anything, it’s a followup point, hey, how are you making out with your podcast? You know, other things, you know, what’s going on, you know, I know you had a film background, you’ve got a really interesting background. So these are other things that we can, that we can talk about or maybe there might be something I need. Not that I’m looking for it for that reason, but it’s good to have these notes because I might at one point think about, oh man, I really need some help editing of film.
Adam: Who could I speak with? And Boom, if I type that information into a database, you might come up. But more importantly, I try to make it about how I can benefit. So some of the things that we talked about, um, there were some people that I need to introduce you to write. I remember, I got to introduce you to Bob ever and Michael. So I bet if I went into my database right now, there would be those notes written down what we talked about, who I said that I was going to introduce you youtube because again, like I said, getting back to their certain periods of time that I carve out to come through and some of the asks that I’ve had. So this way I write them down. I’ve got it in there. That’s also because I have something that I didn’t mention is that I follow up again and my follow up. Did the people that I introduced you to, did they follow up? Did they get the best possible outcomes, the where they achieved for you? So I need to follow up with you and then I need to follow up with them or vice versa.
Chad: But other than that, that’s really helpful to me because I, uh, so, so essentially what I got from that is you’re meeting a lot of people when you meet them, take notes, get their name down and put them into a database, have notes of what I said I would do for them, any dates or deadlines associated with that, any actions I was going to do, any followup conversations I needed to have. And then you can easily go into that database and, and, and, and do you have, do you have set time aside to like basically go through that database or check in with your network or just kind of.
Adam: Yes, I have a rolling. I set reminders. I do. I’m a little anal when it comes to data. So I don’t know if I’m the right example. I’m the extreme, but to me people, the relationships are paramount. So that is something that, that, you know, my relationships, I do people that make it quote unquote into my circle. I tell them that you’re stuck with me, you know, you, there’s something about you that, so that I am so impressed with or I find so important whether to make me laugh, whether it’s I learned from you, whether it’s I just enjoy your company, your time or I want to know what’s going on in your life. Yeah. You know, I, I sat there are um, certain times of the year that I made sure that I follow up with everybody. Even if it’s just a chicken and, you know, hey, listen, life is busy.
Adam: Uh, you know, if you could just send me an email or a sentence or two and what’s new in your world because sometimes that’s all people have time, time for at least at that time. And hopefully they can then follow up. I break it out. There’s some people that I have on a text groups because there’s, there’s clusters of friends that are in certain realms that, uh, you know, they’ll always stay in touch with. There’s some people that we have, uh, you know, just joking text with. There’s people that, I mean I could go on and on. This is a conversation that could be its own podcast.
Chad: Yeah, yeah, definitely. Maybe we’ll have to have you back specifically for that. I, uh, it, it seems to me that you, you see it as well, I value people and I value my relationships and so they are worth me putting in the effort to keep this all organized and, and, and that’s amazing. And that is, and that’s inspirational to me as I because as I kind of it literally in the last year is when I have really started to get out of my way to build my network. I looked at myself and I’m like, I have no network. Like I’ve, you know, personal friends in the neighborhood and whatever and family, but I don’t have a professional network. I, I’ve, no, I don’t even know how to connect, you know, I had just started from scratch and when I started, when I started to build my network, I wasn’t keeping things organized.
Chad: And um, and you just gave me some great ideas that I need to implement, upgrade and my organization on my network because I’ve, I’ve, I’ve had a lot of like conversation started that weren’t finished, a lot of people I connected with and I totally forgot about in the months later, all of a sudden I come across the name, I’m like, oh, I was gonna, I was gonna do that. I was going to follow up on this. And, and, and it really, it doesn’t feel good at all when, when, when people are conversations slipped through the cracks that I, because I just wasn’t organized and I’m just like, ah man, like I, I, I need to need to pull this thing together. And so thanks for, thanks for sharing those tips. That’s really helpful.
Adam: I’m gonna, I’m gonna. Tell you something else. There’s a couple things. First, um, there, there’s a great quote by Ifm Alexander, I think that’s a to it was it said that people don’t decide their futures, they decide their habits and their habits decide their futures. So make that a habit, you know, carve out a certain amount of time. And that will really help. Another thing that I think will help you and anyone else who’s listening to this is I have another tool, it’s called the sphere of influence. And the sphere of influence is essentially people that you have in your network are also. A lot of you said you don’t have a network I call challenge. Um, because you do, you just don’t necessarily realize who’s in your network. So you know, you’ve got the dichotomy of how people think about their network. There’s some people that think the 650 people that they’re connected to on social media, Linkedin, all those are their network.
Adam: And then you’ve got the other end of the spectrum of the people, like I guess yourself and maybe you’re just being humble that don’t think that they have a network. Well, there’s a happy medium in there and we all have something to work with. So I created this sphere of influence and it really breaks down. It helps people think about their network and in a different way. Because if you just think about it as a whole, you’re like, hmm, I, I don’t know. But when you break things down by the different types of networks you are a part of that’s different. So for example, you’ve got obviously family, you, that’s one network. You’ve got your friends, that’s another network. Maybe there’s a religious affiliation that you’re a part of. That’s a network. There is a alumni, you, people that you went to school with, whether it’s high school, whether it’s college, whether it’s, it doesn’t matter.
Adam: You know, there, there is something that, that’s a network. There’s a hobby that I’m, we all have certain kinds of hobbies. There’s also work. There’s people that you’ve worked with, there were probably vendors that you were a part of that anyone, anyone that you write a check to personally, you are important to them. So they are going to be important. You know, they are going to make sure that you do well. Uh, I could get into then there’s the most powerful, um, our, our fringe friends, those are friends of friends. Those are 72 percent of the jobs come from your friend of friends. They are aware a lot of the financing, if you’re going to raise a business, they come from your friend and friends. That’s where some of your best ideas come from. That’s where businesses, it’s a friend of friends. That’s where some of the best business opportunities come from. I mean, I could keep going on and on. So I’ve created this tool. It breaks things down, and then what it also does is it helps you to understand, you know, who they are, what’s your connection to them, what do they do, how can you provide value to them, because that’s what a relationship is. It’s giving. Most people don’t understand it. It’s that people just think of it as what can get from a relationship. They got it all wrong. It’s giving. What can they give to the relationship?
Chad: Well, I, I’m like, I’m like, I’m getting really excited about what you’re saying because I’m seeing, I’m seeing what this could look like when you have your networks. So organized and I’ve got some massive work to do over the next few weeks. Uh, uh, yeah. Uh, and, and it’s, uh, and it’s exciting thinking about that, that there can be a systems and there can be systems in place that allow us to, to organize the network, our networks in that way. Where can we grab that resource you said just on your website?
Adam: Yeah, it’s on my network [inaudible] dot com and I’ve got a tab called resources and all this stuff’s free, so take it downloaded. I’ve, I’ve got, uh, you know, you can do check out your networking Iq. There’s an opportunity to fill that out if you want to learn and see where you stack up. That’s always interesting when I read those reports, those are, I have fun with those.
Chad: What do you define as the networking Iq?
Adam: Yeah, I mean we’ve got Iq for everything, but everybody just associates, you’ve even myself, you know, you grow up, you, you know, there’s one standardized Iq, your intelligent quotient that, that people have been that they have been, uh, you know, kind of grading you on and that’s it, you know, that’s what people. So there’s a queue, you get your emotional intelligence. There’s also a networking intelligence that’s out there and it’s important and that’s real and that networking intelligence, if you’ve got a lot of a relationship and the beauty that. Actually, let me get back to that for a second, for the, one of the beauties of a networking intelligence, unlike maybe your Iq where your Iq, your Iq, and it’s just a matter of what you can do with it. Your networking intelligence is a skill that can be built. So say you’re. If we’re going back to the, you know, just use this as your Iq Iq is $100. I can get it to a 130 in, in, in, through a networking Iq that can get, I can, it can be just as much as you want it to be.
Chad: Well that’s a, that will definitely go and check out that quiz. That’s a really great resource and thanks for sharing that with us. Um, let’s, let’s talk about the topic that you’re interested in. Um, especially as of recent is how, how are Human connection affects our health and our happiness? Do you have anything to say about things that you’ve come across in any research you’ve done on just human connection and our health and our happiness and those two things.
Adam: So we’re, we’re social creatures. Every one of us, even if you’re an introvert, you are a social creature by being a human. You are a social creature. Networking and relationships with they do is they deepen personal satisfaction. So building relationships, helping others working together are personally satisfying attributes that nourish us. That’s just fact. So there’s a really interesting stuff though that’s been going on, you know, is as, even though we’re technically most connected, we’ve ever been getting back to social media and technology, we are actually the least connected than we’ve ever been. Um, from a human standpoint. And that’s showing up and that’s showing up in a lot of ways. That’s why you know, all these suicides that are going on, there’s so much they’ve done recently. They’re actually been a, the World Health Organization identified stress and loneliness is their two biggest concerns of the 21st century.
Adam: That’s powerful. That’s crazy. Dr Vivek Murthy, he was, he used to be the s, a surgeon general. He said that the most common illnesses today, um, aren’t heart disease. It’s not, it’s not diabetes, it’s not even cancer. It’s loneliness. I think about that. Um, researchers at Harvard, they um, oh my God, what was the study at Harvard? Harvard. Harvard done a bunch of studies on loneliness, but they found that by not having close friends was like the equivalent or I’m sorry, it was worse than smoking, you know, I think it was like a pack a day of cigarettes. Having closer relationships was the number one reason that people stay alive longer. There’s a little town in Italy has the most centuries, eons. So people that live over 100 and what’s really enjoyed. Forgot the name of the town. I saw it on a Ted talk where this lady is social scientist.
Adam: She did, she did this study. And what was really interesting is that these, this town that has the most insurance, they, uh, they drink, they smoke and it’s not even that they get along with age other, but that they’re just, they integrate with each other, that they’re social and that they do have relationships, whether they liked them or not, they’ve just, you know, the older you get, you get a little Henri, but there they still value the relationship. It’s actually the Danes as a culture that have the highest degrees of happiness, uh, and it’s far and away and it’s because they are the most, uh, uh, they have, they’re the most social society. And it was really interesting about the Danish because they have a certain time of year where it’s dark for many hours and usually that type of darkness and equates to a high levels of suicide. But the irony is, is that not them, because of their communal point, uh, that the community that they, that they have. So
Chad: sounds like networking, creating relationships. Is that primary food that is, that is being overlooked. You know, that we, we eat, we’re like, okay, eat more vegetables, eat all this, but like you’re saying, we need healthy food as well. But like you were saying like they had some maybe bad habits if there was smoking and stuff, but they, those relationships like it made up for that and a lot of ways because it’s just that important to our happiness and our health. Um, and, and you brought up an interesting thing that I’d like to talk about with like how with us being more connected than ever before through remote technology, through social media, through the Internet, a lot of people are being feeling very disconnected more than ever before. Is there, is there a healthy way to approach remote connection that helps us rather than hurt us because for example, right now we’re having a conversation, I’ve never met you in person, but we’re creating a connection. I’m remotely through the Internet, you know, we have the show that’s taking place through the Internet. Like is there a healthy way that people can approach online connections and then a way that won’t hurt them?
Adam: Yeah, I mean listen, it’s a tool. It’s great, this is fantastic. This is, like I said, we’re in a, we’re in different coasts. The, the technology is good because you know, we have a lot of different ways to connect with people so that is great. But you can never supplement human connection. This is good. I’m looking, I’m kind of like, they’re still the development, like I don’t know if I’m looking in the camera, I’m not, it’s cool, it’s great. But nothing will supplement the, the face to face, you know, like I said, just that oxicon oxytocin that is released, that feeling of looking someone in the eyes and feeling them, you know, looking you in the eyes. But like I said, it’s great. It’s touchpoints and then it helps for when we do meet in person. We’ve got, we already have a baseline, but again you really need that. That in person connection or, or at least you know the phones are great too. You can talk to people.
Chad: Alright, so, so what I get from that is we have all these, these modern tools that we can use to connect to people in ways we never could before. But it’s important that as we keep upgrading that relationship at some point like you gotta have that in person connection, you got to have that human connection to take it to the next level, but there’s a lot that can be done and accomplished through just remotely connecting to somebody and it’s a great way to start relationships that it’s a great way to connect with people you never could before because you physically can’t get to where they live. Um, and so we can almost, we can get a lot of perspectives from different people in our circle that we never could have before because we simply couldn’t travel to all those people, but that this technology is never going to replace in person connection.
Chad: Like in person connection and communication will never go away because like you said, we’re, we’re not really looking at each other directly in the eye because of the placement of the camera and so forth. So there’s still that piece missing. But if we approach our, our Internet and our modern technology with the right perspective and the right responsibility and the right control, we can use it as a, as an advantage that as a tool but not as a distraction because like you said, there’s a lot of, a lot of depression and things that are happening because we’re not approaching it responsibility or not using it as a tool or like for me on my phone, I like, I, I, I, I’m very careful to not let all my apps just send me notifications randomly. Then it keeps interrupting my day all day long. And so I try to kind of. And so I kind of try to like manage that, but then like, and also, you know, if I go onto linkedin or go on the different social media things, I try to have a purpose of why I’m going on there so I don’t just kind of get lost in it. And then ended up kind of just getting distracted. And so there are ways that we can use our technology for good. But, um, we have to have that responsibility in that perspective in place.
Adam: So, so case in point, you’re 100 percent. Right? And so for example, I just got while we, you and I are having a conversation, I don’t have my, my technology blocked, I got to figure out how to do that. But while I just got a text from my daughter, you know, she was away at Camp and it was a distraction to me. It was terrible. So here I am having a conversation with you and I got distracted. I apologize for that.
Chad: Yeah, it’s uh, it’s, it’s, it’s, it’s something where technology is changing so fast that it’s hard to keep up and, and we have, it’s a, it takes some effort to kind of, it’s hard. It’s changing faster than we can learn how to manage it basically, you know, so it’s like a, it’s a, it keeps changing and evolving, but we have to kind of evolve with it to know how to manage it, to know how to use it and it, yeah, it does. As we close this up that we just, we have got to prioritize our relationships. We have got to prioritize building a network, strengthening our network, vetting our network. All the things that you shared with us today is so, so important and and if anyone listening and watching his is is, is, is on the fence about like how much time and how much effort to invest in and networking and in relationships.
Chad: It’s time to make that a priority because it is going to be so crucial as this world keeps evolving so that we can have that support so that we can so that we can have the relationships with needs so that if all of a sudden we lose our job, we can network our way to a new job much quicker. That if we’re. If we’re building a business, we can make that happen like that. We can have a lot more influence when we were connected together and helping each other to, to, to, to accomplish the goals that we have is. Is there anything else that you would like to share with our audience as we, as we end this conversation?
Adam: I wouldn’t even know where to begin. There’s so much, but we only have so much time, so, uh, I feel pretty good.
Chad: Yeah, me too. Thank you. Thank you. So much. Will be learned a lot from you about how to network our way to happiness, to success and, and I think you and, and, and, and make sure that, uh, you go to the website, networkwise.com. Correct. And get those resources that he mentioned, those resources will be very helpful for you as you’re, as you’re organizing your network and building in that work, is there anything, any other way that we can connect with you, you shared on your website with us? I’m like, where can we learn more from you?
Adam: From my website. You can get to everything. I know that, uh, that there are links to all those different mediums. So I hope everybody who’s listening, it’s an opportunity to check out the website, check out all those free tools. There’s a lot of really good that we’ve put out there. So it really hopes to just really at the end of the day, just make you a better citizen. A, I promise you that if you follow through on some of the follow through, there it is, again, if you follow through and some of the things we’ve talked about, your, your, you will just enhance your life tenfold. It’s amazing what, you know, uh, someone like myself with an average Iq had sat a lot of things kind of met and not necessarily in my favor booked. Uh, I’m pretty sure 99 percent of the people that are listening would love the life that I lead. It’s fantastic and I attribute every thing about it to the people that I’ve surrounded myself with.
Chad: What a great note to end on, Adam, uh, make sure to check out his podcast as well. It’s called Conversations with Connors. Yeah, that’s it. We’ve had some fun guests on there as well as some. It’s very eclectic. Yeah, that’s a, that’s a great show to listen to as well. That’s all about connection, the interviews. Really great people. Check this show out. Thank you Adam Connors for being on our show today.
Adam: It’s been a pleasure. Thanks for having me. You’re onto something here, my friend. Keep it rolling. Keep going, man, and like I said, anything I can do, happy to, uh, happy to be a contributor.
Chad: Wow. What an amazing conversation with Adam Connors that we had today. I learned so much about how to connect my way to my own goals and I hope that you took notes. I hope that you took notes on how to connect better with people on how to build trust and how to build rapport on how to have that conversation that leads to a mutually beneficial relationship. I hope you took notes on how to vet your network and had an organizer network through systems and databases and notes and follow up so that you do finish those conversations so that you take those conversations into real relationships so that you don’t let really valuable relationships fall through the cracks. It, it’s worth it. Like he told us to put in the effort and the time to organize our network and to follow up and to create action steps for ourselves.
Chad: To create reminders, to use our technology to hold us accountable to managing those relationships so that our network really is valuable so that we have that real human connection that is vital to like we learned from Adam. It’s vital to our health and our happiness, not just our career success. That it literally is the is the primary food for our survival that is often overlooked. That if you are missing anything in your life right now, if any piece, if any aspect of your life is out of place, take a look at your connections. Take a look at your relationships and figure out what needs to improve and get out of your own way to seek out new relationships and to follow up on current relationships and a strengthen current relationships to finish conversations and you just watch and what that you just watch and see what that does to your career progress and to your own happiness and overall health.
Chad: If you want to learn more as well about how to upgrade your communication skills and if you want a chance to practice and to get some really specific training, I offer a free online class called Communicate Now, we learn really specific actionable tips for how to have the type of conversations that are going to further your career that are going to build your network, that are going to build trust with people and how that ropes into you being able to achieve whatever goals that you have and so go to arrowlight.tv/freeclass and you can register there every four weeks the class repeats and so I’d love to see you at that class and the weekend, interact and have a conversation and so that you can learn some more about how to connect your way to your goals. To sum it all up today, we learned how to really connect our way up to better health, to better happiness. We learned how to connect our way up to more fulfillment in our life. We learned how to connect our way up to career success because Adam has done that. Adam has connected his way up to where he wants to be and now it’s time for you. Make sure to subscribe on Itunes, make sure to subscribe on Youtube so that you can continue to join the conversation and learning how to connect your way to where you want to be in your life and in your career and have a great day.